Signs You May Have Taken A Wrong Turn

The Totem of Despair

On Saturday I drove to get my hair cut at a new place in a part of town I am not familiar with. M.’s friend M.J. had just broken off her engagement, changed residence, and gone back to the world of hairdressing in a 48 hour period. In a gesture of female solidarity (and because my split ends were out-of control) I found myself mapquesting to the obscure salon where she had very recently found employment. *

As anyone who has ever had the misfortune to drive in Atlanta can confirm, many streets here have the same or similar names. The duplication of street names is what led me to explore the “other” Avondale.

A few of the markers listed below clued me in that I may not be in the right area. I think most of the indicators listed are universal signs that you may be in the wrong neighborhood, unless of course you are looking for an unsavory experience.

Supreme Fish Delight Restaurant
These dining establishments appear to be located exclusively in the ghetto. They serve such tasty treats as: buffalo catfish, fried cornbread, and deep-fried animal parts that are usually only found in Chinatown.

Title Loan Offices
The average middle-class American would not need to borrow money, using their car title as collateral from a place that appears to be a converted Wendy’s. Transcript from imagined conversation with Buckhead Betty and title loan officer.
Buckhead Betty: So, how much will you loan me for the title of my 2005 Mercedes Benz E320 Station Wagon?
Title Loan Officer: Does it got rims?
Buckhead Betty: I’m sorry, rims?
Title Loan Officer: Ya know, chrome, custom, 20 inch?
Buckhead Betty: No I don’t know, so I assume I do not.
Title Loan Officer: I can give you fifteen.
Buckhead Betty: But that won’t pay for a semester at Westminster.
Title Loan Officer: I’ll throw in five for the watch and finger bling.
Buckhead Betty: Hmmm…

The Street as a Community Center
Most residents of better neighborhoods prefer to entertain, barbeque, and chat with their friends in the BACKyard. In what I’ll call “transitional” neighborhoods the street is the playground/kitchen/living room. If you see a Deluxe Barbeque Barrel in the street, surrounded by a group of people dancing to the music blaring out of the 1988 Grand Marquis parked in the center of the road, you should immediately reverse.



*Despite risking life and limb, M.J. is an incredible hair wizard and was worth all of the drama!